I Don't Know How To Say
by Synchronize
Summary: I love you, when all we’ve ever known is emotionless - LuccixKaku : BEWARE!


**Hi there, Blu here again, filing your Valentine's day with pointless yaoi. **

**Warning: Mentions of alcohol consumption, yaoi, and some choice words from the adult dictionary. Deal with it.**

**This is for my Hojo. **

**But other than that, I want you all to know I love you! Happy V-Day!  
**

* * *

If I was to say that holidays were a thing I enjoyed I would probably shigan myself in the gut. It's not that I dislike the holidays, or any holiday in particular, but I guess I'm sort of biased because of my rigorous training as a member of the CP9 where we are not supposed to show emotion to anything. But I think Rob kind of breaks that rule; him liking to draw blood from his appointed victims and all. Speaking of Rob he is the reason why I am pacing my room right now. Maybe it's the damned holiday as well and all of those stupid lovey-dovey pheromones wafting through the air. It really makes my nose itch and gut twist whenever I walk by, sometimes I never wish I ate the devil's fruit. The streets of St. Poplar are filled with cheesy advertisements and gullible people; men fawning over their wives or girlfriends and children licking their lips as they watch intricate cakes being decorated and placed in the window. Though I will say some of that stuff does smell pretty good.

But no, for once in my life Rob is a problem, the problem. I'm actually pacing my room in the apartment of St. Poplar because I don't know what to do. To do what? To show Rob Lucci I love him on the day meant for lovers – St. Valentine's day. And I guess the People of St. Poplar take a certain amount of pride in the fact that the day and town both have St. in them so maybe that is why there are more cheesy ads out there, to show some sort of fabricated pride in the holiday. With this much fabrication how am I to find something for Rob that would actually mean something to him? Hell I don't even know where to start!

A harsh bang on the door interrupted me.

"Oi, stop pacing around in there Kaku, or I'm going to come in there are knock you out! It's freaking annoying and I can hear you in the kitchen!" Jayabura yelled through the door, agitation laced every word spewing from his mouth. It did stop me from pacing though because I was suddenly given a wonderful idea, a miraculously wonderful idea. Three quick strides and I was at the door, threw it open and slipped out, didn't even bother to close the door either and walked briskly after Jayabura. I reached out for him, caught him in a one armed hug/choke hold and said:

"Thanks Jaya, you just saved me from insanity," I walked out the door a few seconds later and I'm sure Jayabura was standing where I left him and wondering what the heck he had just done for me. He'd probably pester me about it later, but I don't care I need to get to the market now, and make a quick stop by Kalifa for money.

* * *

Kalifa's door was pretty normal, there was a little sign on it that said welcome that made it a little different; easier to find anyway. When she opened it she huffed and I'm no expert on women but I think she was just a little but irritated with me.

"What is it Kaku? I'd rather not have to step outside to see all of these silly and pointless displays of affection." Kalifa huffed, leaning on the doorframe in what many other men would consider a sexy pose.

"You're in charge of finances around here, I was wondering if I could have some money to spend today?" I asked her outright, no point beating around the bush with her. She gave me a skeptical look and I can't really blame her.

"Today of all days Kaku? Everything is going to be very expensive, you do know that right?" Kalifa sighed. She nodded to herself and retreated back into her small apartment, she returned with a wallet and pulled out some 20 bellies. She flurried them in front of my face, slapped them into my hand and smiled a little before closing the door in my face. That was one of the strangest, and shortest, conversations I have ever had with Kalifa.

But none-the-less I have money, now to go….. shit what am I going to do?

* * *

Like I said before the streets were filled to the brim with mindless lovers, brains befuddled by the aroma of sweets and the phero- Oh wait, I'm probably the only one who can smell pheromones here right now. Well anyway, sickeningly sweet displays of affection were being publically displayed by those of every age group… even 13-year-old children and the occasional five-year-old kids who were just copying their parents. Confetti was all over the place, ribbons of red and white were nailed up on the roofs of the shops lining the streets. I passed an elderly couple, who were kind enough and probably sane enough to be just holding hands and walking down the street and mumbling sweet nothings to each other. Now those kind of people I respect. But these other -young- lovers bother me. Ah, there's the store I want! Bakery.

I hoped over an unused bench in the middle of the street and jogged over to the bakery. Inside it was… actually pretty tame compared to the festival outside. There was one girl working the counter, she nodded at me as I entered, and cakes of every size, shape and color lined the counter in front of her and around the shop.

"How can I help you today sir?" The counter girl asked me, her voice was soft as if she were merely dreaming.

"Ah, that's the thing. I'm not sure how you could help me. Can I ask you some questions?" I asked her nicely. In the back of my mind I'm asking myself as to why I am asking a complete stranger for any help like this at all, "You see, I have someone I want to tell I love them… but I don't know where to begin and saying I love you sounds pretty cheesy and corny." I paused and waited for her response.

"Sounds like you're in a rut dear," Se giggled in her dream like voice, "But I'm sure I can help somewhat. Can you tell me some things about your loved one?" She leaned on the counter, her eyes bore into mine and she smiled serenely.

"Um, well, he's-"

"A guy deary?"

"Uh, yes-does that bother you?"

"No," And there was a pregnant pause after that, the conversation had turned awkward for me, extremely awkward, "Please continue deary…"

"Oh, right, well he's mostly quiet, a stoic kind of person. He doesn't really like people," She nodded as if she understood, " He's-He's… well to put it bluntly he acts like a cat. He is almost completely solitary on most days and –and" I couldn't think of anything else off of the top of my head. When I tried to think about Rob nothing really came to mind, he was there, staring at my in my mind but no words came to describe him. The counter girl smiled and slipped her elbow off of the counter.

"I think I know what you can do for him," She whispered, still in her dreamy haze. She went over to the shelves behind the counter and hopped up on a ladder. She rolled the ladder over to a section with clear bags filled with different colored layers. She fingered over the different colored bags until an excited sound escaped her lips. She clutched at the little bag and dragged it down with her. The strangest thing about her is she skipped, literally skipped, back over to me looking all gleeful. She almost looked like those lovers outside, "Here you go deary, this should do the trick for you."

She tossed the little bag at my chest and I inspected it's label. It was a make it yourself cake mix bag.

"Um… thank you?" I said un-easily. She seemed to get the message.

"I'm hazarding a guess that he likes alcohol, you can mix in some alcohol with that cake mix and it makes it taste pretty good. It's one of the older family recipes and it seems to get better every year." She stated simply, "That'll be 22 berries please and thanks!"

"22?!" I asked incredulously. She grinned as if she had expected my reaction.

"Hey, be happy it was originally priced at 40 berries."

I stared at her in disbelief.

"What the hell is wrong with you people?" I asked her and if I wasn't asking the girl this I'm sure anyone else would have slapped me. Well if they could hit faster than Soru anyway.

"Eh, the people of St. Poplar are fanatics about this holiday, my family liked this place because we could cook and sell a heck of a lot of food here on this holiday. But since my grandparents died, and my parent's want nothing to do with the place, I get to make all of the decisions now!" She explained happily. And yet that still wasn't very calming to my mind.

"Well, um… thank you then" I pulled out 40 berries and let her make the exchange. She gave me back the change and before I had twisted to leave she spoke again.

"You're going to need to buy the alcohol at the nearest liquor store. That's also why I didn't charge you full price; Monty's being a sore ass and charging people way too much for his stuff. As for how you're going to tell him you love him, I'm sure you'll find the right words when it comes down to it." Glancing over my shoulder I saw her ease back onto the counter, elbow propping her up again and that same dreamy expression crossed her face.

* * *

I barreled through the door, slamming it behind me and causing Jayabura to snap his attention away from the newspaper. He quirked an eyebrow but otherwise ignored me and returned to his paper. The air was thick with silence. Tightly holding onto the cake mix and alcohol I swiftly entered the kitchen. It was small but it had a stove, oven, fridge and cupboards. Exactly what I needed. I plopped the two main ingredients onto the counter and pulled out a pan, a couple of bowls and whisks.

I started reading over the instructions and felt pretty confident with myself.

I must have been extremely stupid to think I could cook up a cake. How the hell do other people do this? It's a freaking cake it should be easy as pie…. scratch that. I can't make pie either. I glared down at the bowl of light pink liquid under me, the whisk was poised over the edge of the bowl to start mixing again but what was the point? The cake was a disaster as it was just a big bowl of light pink liquid, due to the alcohol I had purchased. Damn it I bet the girl just jipped me. No, she's not to blame; I just can't cook up something as simple as a cake to save my life.

Jayabura walked into the kitchen a lot while I was trying to mix everything together properly and he had asked me what I was doing. I told him I was making a cake and he laughed. Now I can see why he had laughed earlier. I looked over at the clock and it was 8 o'clock. Rob would be coming back soon. I stared dejectedly down at the bowl and walked out of the kitchen, leaving my horrible creation to rot there where it stood.

I walked over to the couch and sat down, overly frustrated with myself and my failure. I looked out the window at the sunset and the stars were just popping out. The beautiful clash of red and blue was painted before me by the elements. There was a click of the door opening and closing and there wasn't a reason to even look at it; I knew who was there.

Lucci walked over with light, careful, steps and joined me at the couch. I remember it became a ritual a few weeks ago that we would watch the sunset together. There was always something that I couldn't name in the silent company of each other. I glanced over at him as the darkness began to take over the sky; he glanced over at me as well. There was a sudden spark in my chest as I looked into his eyes and overall posture. Something was different, maybe off. No, there was something always different with him.

And the words suddenly came to me.

Rob Lucci was Rob Lucci. So hard to explain and yet so simple. Words couldn't describe him to any measure. You had to be here to understand who and what Rob Lucci is to me.

A smile twitched on his lips I think and he departed from the couch. My eyes followed him as he walked into the kitchen.

Shit

He was going to see the bowl of unfinished cake.

"Kaku…?" He called out and reappeared through the kitchen doorway, he was giving me a questioning look, "Is that pudding in there or something? Shouldn't it be refrigerated?" I smiled sheepishly and looked down at my feet.

"Ah… no that's supposed to be cake, but I messed up…" I could hear Lucci shrug and walk back into the kitchen. When I looked up again he was walking out of the kitchen and carrying the half empty bottle of over priced alcohol from that Motty- or was it Monty- guy's store.

Smoothly, he set himself back upon the couch next to me and took a swig of the drink. He then offered me some of it and I took it happily.

"What were you making cake for?" If it wasn't for training I think I would have choked.

"Huh? Oh, I was trying to make it for you. For uh… Valentine's day and all…"

Another long pause ensued after that statement. I seem to be having a lot of awkward moments today. Lucci caught me by surprise and sniggered next to me, pulling the drink from my limp fingers and taking another drink.

"I don't like sweet things Kaku. But… I guess it's the thought that counts." I stared at him in wonder. Questions flitted through my mind and yet it was blank at the same time. Words started to form in my mind though, words I should say.

"Lucci-" Was all I could say before Rob was kissing me, and I was kissing back.

* * *

**Shut up I know I can't write romance worth crap. So bite me! -goes off to romance-hating/emo corner-**

**Luv Ya!**

**Blu  
**


End file.
